He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just found puke in my bra..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
