i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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