my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
