Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
