I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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