when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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