So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We have started to decorate penises.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic