When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.