Pants 0. Shit 1.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No more Irish car bombs ever.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?