I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...