Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(712): View more from Iowa

I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

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(210): View more from Texas

Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

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(541): View more from Oregon

you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done

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(407): View more from Florida

Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.

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(503): View more from Oregon

The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.

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(858): View more from California

If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.

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