I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
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It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.