If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..