I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.