yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.