i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.