My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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