there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
