I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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