So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
be right there i have to get my cape
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
