You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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