Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
