just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
