She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
