Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.