I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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