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i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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