Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize