Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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  (330): i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow. http://tfl.nu/ez44
  Replies (11) Good night (3295) Bad night (584)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.

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  (484): I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid. http://tfl.nu/8dyc
  Replies (23) Good night (3946) Bad night (656)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...

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  (440): dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so... http://tfl.nu/5ecd
  Replies (8) Good night (492) Bad night (1860)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

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  (630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9
  Replies (10) Good night (2810) Bad night (890)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.

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  (419): Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/o1pz
  Replies (12) Good night (1314) Bad night (2606)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.

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  (206): Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year. http://tfl.nu/cw7s
  Replies (2) Good night (3676) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.

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  (256): I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was. http://tfl.nu/06et
  Replies (6) Good night (3006) Bad night (919)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...

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  (308): is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night... http://tfl.nu/up0o
  Replies (6) Good night (764) Bad night (1752)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib

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  (843): my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib http://tfl.nu/rp9w
  Replies (12) Good night (1495) Bad night (659)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him

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  (610): Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him http://tfl.nu/y954
  Replies (2) Good night (1014) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.

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  (804): Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me. http://tfl.nu/bct9
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you

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  (845): lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you http://tfl.nu/altf
  Replies (5) Good night (1737) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...

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  (415): I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think... http://tfl.nu/7nf2
  Replies (11) Good night (296) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???

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  (708): In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog??? http://tfl.nu/uupj
  Replies (1) Good night (384) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  She won. Twice.

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  (519): Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition. (1-519): She won. Twice. http://tfl.nu/gb3x
  Replies (3) Good night (658) Bad night (265)

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