LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?