ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.