he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me