You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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