Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?