Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
