Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
