She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
