you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
