We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
