i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
