Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
