I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
