even my farts smell like vagina
Sober January is a disaster.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
