just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
