Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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