I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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