I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
