just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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