I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They took my balls.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
