I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
