Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
