I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
