no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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