Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
