theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
