Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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