I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
