I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
