I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
