I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
