Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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