dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
