Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize