How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need a beard to bite.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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