My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
