I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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