I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
