That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
