Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
