I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
