just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
