Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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