i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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