let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
