In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
