Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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