her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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