just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
