I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
