I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
