meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
