the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
